Before Watching
Ah, I told you that this one has been on my hit list for donkey’s
years didn’t I? Having read some comments about this story online I get the
idea that it has a reputation of being Terry Nation’s Difficult Second Album. I
remember the Voord, who are the main villains in this story, from a story in
the first Doctor Who Annual. I don’t know how much they cost now, but you could
pick one up in decent nick for pennies in jumble sales back in the 70s.
I liked the idea of the Conscience Machine, of the keeper of it
living on this isolated island, and of the quest for the Doctor and the companions
to bring back the five keys. This basic plot engine was similar I suppose to
the Key to Time malarkey in Tom Baker’s day.
I can remember reading Philip Hinchcliffe’s novelisation back in the
day, and not being overly impressed. I can’t for the life of me remember
anything that happens in it. So let’s rectify that now.
After Watching
Well, I’m very sorry to all the naysayers, but in my opinion, that
really wasn’t bad at all. I loved the first episode. Alright, the filmed shot
of Susan’s shoe dissolving in the acid pool isn’t that well done, and there are
some fairly obvious errors. I will be honest, I watched this one back with the
text on to confirm that I had seen a stage hand who wasn’t supposed to be there
when the Voord was caught out by the revolving wall. I don’t mind that much. In
some ways it’s a real contrast to the opulent production values of “Marco
Polo”. Then Arbitan the Keeper appeared, and I exclaimed, “That’s George
Colouris!” George Colouris would have a pretty decent claim to being the first
big name guest star actor ever to appear in Doctor Who. Maybe the name doesn’t
mean a great deal to you now, but George Colouris had a very important role in
one of the most important films ever made in the History of Cinema. During the
late 1930s Colouris was working in the USA, and joined Orson Welles’ Mercury
Theatre. In Citizen Kane Colouris is cast as the lawyer who has to break the
news to Kane’s mum that her son has become heir to a multi million dollar
fortune, and then becomes Kane’s exasperated legal guardian.
Colouris brings a certain gravitas to the party, although somehow
some of this is lost when he asks the travellers if they will look for his
daughter while they look for the keys for him. I don’t know, I would have
preferred him more powerful and other worldly than being concerned about lost
daughters. I mean , it’s not exactly a crucial plot point that Sabetha, who we
meet first in episode 2, actually is Arbitan’s daughter. It wouldn’t make any
real difference if she wasn’t.
Once again, though, as with “The Daleks”, the Travellers’ initial
reaction is ‘stuff what’s going on here, we’re off back to the TARDIS’. Mind
you, the whole thing with the Conscience Machine is rather dodgy. Arbitan’s
info dump about it is a little bit of a yawn, but basically it turns out that this
is a mind control device. Yes, he says that he will only use it for good, but
that’s not the point. Mind control is wrong, so we are forced to ask the
question, can you achieve good through doing something evil? Put it another
way, quis custodiet ipsos custodies? Yartek, leader/controller of the Voord
developed the ability to resist the Conscience Machine some 700 years
earlier,which is why the keys were dispersed throughout Marinus. OK. But the
Machine has had an upgrade of some kind, and will now work on Yartek, so
Arbitan wants his keys back. He can’t be arsed to get them himself, so wants
the Doctor and companions to go and fetch them. Understandably their reaction
is ‘Thanks but no thanks.’ so Arbitan places a forcefield around the TARDIS so
that the travellers can’t leave anyway. Now, I won’t be the first to ask why
Arbitan doesn’t place one around himself at least, in which case the Voord
wouldn’t be able to kill him. The answer being that George Colouris had specified
that he could only do one episode, so for the story’s sake he has to be killed
off. I really shouldn’t watch these episodes with the text on. I like the
transporter bracelets that Arbitan gives them. The text suggested that Terry
Nation liked them as well, and that’s why he used transporter bracelets in
Blakes Seven. I thought that they had to use transporters for the same reason
that Star Trek did – because special effects shots of spaceships landing on
planets were too expensive and looked crappy anyway. But maybe this story is
why he picked on bracelets.
I didn’t see anything greatly wrong with the first episode. As for
the ones that followed, well, I’m sorry, but I like a good quest storyline. In
fact I don’t even mind a not so good quest storyline. The Velvet Web – episode
two – is an unusually poetic title for Terry Nation, and although the pace is
quite languid at times, it’s actually rather good and quite amusing. The way
this story has been worked out is that they have a self contained adventure in
each place where a key can be found. For an action-minded script writer like
Terry Nation I can see that this must have had a huge appeal. For set and
costume designers however it must have been an absolute nightmare. The plot of
“The Velvet Web” owes something to the lotus eaters episode from the Odyssey.
The Doctor and companions arrive in a place where it seems that the locals’
dearest wish is to provide for their every whim and desire. Only as the story
develops does Barbara begin to see what is really happening. The fabulous
clothes they have been given are rags. The Doctor’s laboratory he has asked for
is a mostly empty room with a couple of dirty mugs. It turns out that this
place is run by the Morphotons, a group of brains with eyes on huge stalks,
living in jars. Their brains have outgrown their bodies. Well, I don’t know
about you, but I’m always in the market for a brains in jars story. They feed
the unwary with visions of being given their wildest dreams, while
simultaneously leaching away their memories of their life before, eventually
placing them into zombie-like slavery. Once Barbara has broken the compulsion
though she goes into the room where the Morphotons are kept, and – well – she
only manages to smash one of the jars, but it seems to do the trick. The brains
shrivel and die, and the travellers and two slaves, Altos and Sabetha are freed
from their compulsion. Altos and Sabetha who is Arbitan’s daughter, were both
originally sent by Arbitan to retrieve the keys.
There is a reason why Sabetha and Altos join the band. This is the
first time that one of the regulars got a fortnight holiday break during the
season, and it’s William Hartnell. So in the next two episodes they get to take
over some of his lines and actions. Speaking of which , episode three sees
Terry Nation revert to type with the title. This one is called “The Screaming Jungle”
because it is set in a Screaming Jungle. Now, let’s be fair, we’re in good,
Indiana Jones territory with this one. You have a jungle, and a strange temple
that surely houses the artefact we’re after. Yes, there it is on the statue’s
forehead. Barbara reaches up to grab it, throws it down, and then the statue’s
arms grab her, and it pulls the old revolving statue trick. Worse than that,
Sabetha looks at the key, and it’s a fake! Remember that, it’s a plot point
we’ll come back to later on. Ian does the same as Barbara, and when the two of
them are reunited, they find Darius, who gets his clothes from the same monk’s
oufitters as Arbitan. He conveniently dies, when giving them a cryptic clue to
the whereabouts of the key. I have to say that Ian, the Science teacher, is a
little slow off the mark in realising that it’s a chemical formula, but hey, we
all have our off days.
Right, so episode 3 was jungle – where are we going for episode 4?
What looks like the polar ice caps. I bet the designers were tearing their hair
out by this time. Ian and Barbara fall into the hands of Vasor, a big fur
trapper, who looks like he’s eaten half a badger and left its arse hanging out.
Like Ganatus before him, he has the hots for Barbara, and unlike Ganatus, he
isn’t going to be a gentleman about it. Ian, whom he sent out to die with
wolf-attracting raw meat in his bag, returns with the other three whom he went
out to look for, and saves the day.
Right’ let’s have a wee digression on sexual morality in “Doctor
Who” shall we? It’s what you’ve all been waiting for, I’m sure. In 2015,
watching the first series, I suppose it’s inevitable to ask the question about
Ian and Barbara – are they or aren’t they? But I have to wonder, was that
question even on the agenda in 1963? I mean, let’s look at the facts. They
weren’t married - not to each other
anyway, so I suppose that a hint of anything the least bit sexual wouldn’t have
been allowed. Here’s a point too. Does anyone ever actually say that Ian is
single? We know that Barbara is Miss Wright, and that in 1963 Miss meant Miss.
But how about Ian? True, he never mentions having a wife and/or family, but
then some men don’t. He doesn’t wear a wedding ring, but again . . .
I rather like the quest elements of this episode. They have to cross
an ice chasm on a rope bridge. Hmm. That’s the second time in two stories Terry
Nation has had our heroes having to cross a chasm. He clearly has something
about them, and you don’t need me to make the obvious Freudian connection.
Inside the ice cave they find the key, encased in a block of ice, surrounded by
four frozen knights. The idea is that they have to turn on the central heating
pipes – no really – in order to melt the ice, which will at the same time wake
up the knights. Meanwhile, old badger-arse chops turns up and disconnects one
end of the rope bridge. Well, Susan crawls across on some large icicles, and
reconnects the bridge, while the others use the time honoured method of
grabbing the key and running like hell. If only they’d not left their bracelets
with the trapper. One long trek later . . .
The last key, then is retrieved when the story changes tack again to
become a courtroom drama, when Ian is accused of murdering a museum guard and
stealing the key he was guarding. Ah, but the guard was working with the
Doctor, who is back from his hols. And the Doctor defends Ian, while Barbara,
Susan and the other two find the murderer. OK – rather run of the mill and
humdrum, although again, a complete contrast to what has gone before. Finally
back to where it all started and the Conscience Machine. We get our first sight
of Yartek, the real villain of the piece, who has a Voord helmet, although his
doesn’t have an antenna. Earlier on, each of the Voord helmets had a slightly
differently shaped antenna on it – thus foreshadowing the Tellytubbies by
several decades. None of them ever take their helmets off so we can’t see if
they are humanoid, or if their helmets are shaped oddly because they’re shaped
oddly. We can’t even tell if Yartek is a Voord – he calls them his ‘creatures’
so it suggest that maybe he isn’t. Right, remember the fake key? Guess how the
good guys bugger up the conscience machine? Well, we’ve seen worse denouements
I’m sure.
Overall – and a lot of people won’t agree with me – I really rather
enjoyed this, and it didn’t terribly outstay its welcome. Jacqueline Hill is
always value for money, and you can definitely see how relationships between
the TARDIS crew have changed since “The Daleks”. They ‘ve been through so much
by this point that they know how to all pull together – even if Susan is still
being underused.
What Have We Learned?
Sometimes what looks like
a man in a wetsuit actually is meant to be a man in a wetsuit.
If a man in a white robe
gives you a transporter bracelet – don’t take it off and leave it in a fur
trapper’s hut.
Brains in jars are never
to be trusted.
If it’s written by Terry
Nation, thumb forward through the script until you reach the bit with the chasm.
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