Before Watching
I have such mixed feelings going into this one. On the plus side it
is one of my old Hartnell hit list of stories I really wanted to see if I ever
got any chance to do so. It’s another space/aliens/monster story, and these are
what Doctor Who’s success was built on.
On the other hand, I do recall reading the Bill Strutton
novelisation of his own script. Doctor Who and The Zarbi was the second
novelisation ever published, in 1965. My primary school had a hardback copy of
both this, and the slightly earlier Doctor Who in an Exciting Adventure with
the Daleks. I enjoyed the Dalek book when I read it, but my reaction to “Doctor
Who and the Zarbi” was, and I quote – what was that load of rubbish all about?
– Well, to be fair, I was 9 or 10 at the time. At around about the same time I
read the first Doctor Who annual, which had stories featuring Sensorites, Voord
and also Menoptera and Zarbi. I thought that the Zarbi in the story were just
dumb, and the Menoptera got on my wick.
While we’re at it, very little of what I’ve read about The Web
Planet is complimentary either, and the photos I’ve seen from it – well, either
they don’t do the production any favours, or the whole thing looks a bit
ridiculous. Not that I am biased, you understand.
After Watching
Well, what can you possibly say about that? That hasn’t already been
said, I mean? One half of me kind of almost wants to watch it all over again
just to prove to myself that I wasn’t hallucinating, and it really was like I
think it was – while the other half of me is saying – over my dead body.
Now, this isn’t the first time that Doctor Who has featured giant
insects. We had one earlier in the season in “Planet of the Giants”, and we’ll
have them again in such future delights as “The Green Death” and “The Ark In
Space”. Lots of people find normally sized insects rather unsettling, so giant
ones are something of a natural choice for a show such as Doctor Who. The
problem is, though, that giant insects are very difficult to do convincingly,
especially if your special effects budget amounts to the equivalent of tuppence
ha’penny and a used bus ticket. So, while the Zarbi bodies aren’t bad, they
only ever use one set of legs, and that set of legs are unmistakably human
legs. I rather like the menoptera masks, but their bee/butterfly costumes
aren’t the best. Then there’s the optera. Pedantry corner. You can understand
the name Menoptera. Optera comes from the greek for –wings. So either the idea
behind them is an English/Greek hybrid word for men-insects with wings – which
is fine – or its meant as a shortening of Hymenoptera – the family of insects
including bees and wasps. Again – that’s fine. Now, when Ian and Vrestin find
the regressed species descended from menoptera that live beneath the surface,
they call them optera. Which means wings – which they don’t have! It’s an irony
which I don’t believe for one minute is intentional – and it’s like calling a
race of blind aliens the Eyeballs.
Oh, and the optera costumes are terrible too.
How often do we see the Doctor and the crew take it for granted that
the atmosphere on a planet on which they land is breathable? Alright, they
might check it but it’s a pretty good bet that it will be breathable. So it was
a bit of a surprise when it turned out that the atmosphere of Vortis, the ‘web’
planet of the title, is very thin, and so Ian and the Doctor go out in their
special breathing anoraks. Just the first clue that “The Web Planet” is Doctor
Who, but not as we know it. The breathing anoraks run out of air, and our
heroes nearly die from lack of oxygen. Then they recover and we hear no more
about it.
The plot is relatively straightforward. Vortis is a planet in
habited by giant antlike creatures called the Zarbi. Normally stupid and
harmless creatures, the Zarbi are under control of an entity called the Animus.
Animus is Latin for mind, and so it’s an appropriate name for a creature that
controls the minds of others. So at least Bill Strutton knows his Latin, even
if he’s a wee bit shaky on Greek. An a way, the animus reminds me a little bit
of the Great Intelligence in the two Troughton yeti stories, and the Nestene
Consciousness in the two Jon Pertwee auton stories. Both of them also use
proxies to do their dirty work, although the Animus, like the Nestene, does
have a body, unlike the Great Intelligence.
The formerly dominant species of Vortis are the Menoptera. These are
hybrid bee/butterfly/men in suits creatures. They plan to invade Vortis to
defeat whatever is controlling the Zarbi, and win back their planet. The
Doctor and the companions become
involved with an advance party of Menoptera, and after winning their
friendship, do their best to aid them to defeat the Animus.
Is there a lot more to it than that? I didn’t see an awful lot more
to it, I will confess. There’s the usual plot device of the crew splitting up.
As with “The Romans”, Vicki and the Doctor make one team, while the Ian and
Barbara team is soon split up, and the two of them have to fend for themselves.
If the script and the director are both very good, then this can work extremely
well. If they’re not, then it can make for a tediously episodic story, and to
an extent that’s what we are dealing with in “The Web Planet.
Yes, I know, this was made in the mid 60s, and I will admit that
there are aspects of it that almost pull it off. All the shots on the surface
of Vortis are shot with some fairly heavy filters on the cameras. Now, I know
that there is a story that they actually had Vaseline smeared over the lenses,
but my industry insiders say that this was highly unlikely to be the case,
since it would have ruined the expensive cameras. However it was done, it does
give the shots on the surface eerie fuzzy edges, which does add to the feeling
of unworldliness that the team were trying to achieve.
There are moments when the production heaves its bulk out of the
mire of its own making. Flight is a motif which recurs throughout the story.
Now, I could point out that thin atmospheres and winged flight really don’t
mix, but that would be churlish. At one point Barbara asks one of the wounded
Menoptera, whose wings were destroyed in a fight with the Zarbi whether his
wings will grow back, and he replies that he will never fly again, and there is
such real pathos in that moment that you can see just how important flight is
to the Menoptera, and what it means to be a Menoptera who has been denied the
right to fly. Speaking of which, there were just a couple of shots of the
Menoptera flying which despite myself I found rather impressive. One jumps off
a ledge just as he’s about to be caught by a Zarbi, and there’s another shot of
Menoptera from the main invasion party landing.
While I liked the fact that the production tries so hard to make the
Menoptera seem more insectoid by the way they speak, and the way they move (I
don’t need to mention the credit “Insect Movements by Roslyn de Winter” credit,
since everybody else who’s ever written about this story has already done so)
it just starts off weird, and then becomes bloody annoying after a while.
Making another point about the way they speak as well, I don’t get why they
insist on calling Ian ‘Herron’ and Barbara ‘Abara’. I mean, it’s not as if
these would be Menopterised versions of Ian and Barbara – for they sound
nothing like the names the Menoptera have for themselves – they have names like
Vlasta and Vrestin. Yes, nitpicking again.
With so much that is unusual and atypical about “The Web Planet”, I
have to ask myself why I didn’t enjoy it a lot more, and why I couldn’t accept
it for what it was, rather than pull it apart for what it wasn’t. I think I can
boil it down to a number of things : -
* I think that I read once that this is the only story with no
humanoid characters other than the TARDIS regulars. I can only imagine the
terrible demands that this made on the costume department. Now, the Menoptera
are good – I like the individual masks especially, but they don’t exactly blow
your socks off – and I doubt that they removed much footwear back in 1965 when
it was first broadcast either. The Zarbi are a pretty decent attempt at doing a
giant antlike creature in a costume which an actor can wear – but – and here’s
the rub – they are just not frightening. They make some weird noises whenever
they are near, and they bump into each other, and that’s about it. Now, you can
have mindless monsters that never speak which can be frightening if you make
them relentless and unstoppable. Neither can be said of the Zarbi. They have
what are called larva guns. These are rather woodlousey looking creatures which
scuttle along, firing nastiness from what I can only assume is their proboscis.
They look rather pathetic, although not as pathetic as the optera. Speaking of
the optera, I couldn’t believe the way that they moved – bouncing around like
people in a sack race.
* It’s a six parter, and it’s clearly too long. You could edit away
a good half hour of this, and if you did it carefully nobody would be any the
wiser.
* The story really isn’t great. It’s the sort of thing which you can
end up with when you have a putative script discussion like the hypothetical
one below –
“Bill, insects are frightening. Giant insects even more so. Can you
write us a giant insect story?”
“I suppose. What’s in it?”
“Giant insects.”
“No, I mean yes, but, what’s happening in it?”
“Giant insects.”
“Ok, but like, is there any theme I can explore?”
“Giant insects”.
Which is why, dear friends, what we have in the web planet is a
story about a plentiful of giant insects. And not a great deal more.
What Have We learned?
Don’t pull the wings off a
Menoptera. It’s cruel and they get very depressed.
Either the Menoptera are
hermaphrodites, or their males are the only species in the Universe immune to
Barbara’s charms.